Because of Him
by jacksparrow589
Summary: It was because he was gone and not coming back that those next few days were miserable. However, it's darkest only after the lights go out. After that, it often gets better, if only a little. AR in that Hawkeye stayed in Eastern.
1. Breaking the News

Something just was not right. Riza Hawkeye could feel it. Her superior had not shown up, but that was not the problem- he had left a note as to where he was.

She just knew that something had happened, and that she had no idea what it was.

All of the subordinates sat in the office, busy with their daily tasks when the phone rang. Riza was the first to reach it. "Lieutenant Hawkeye speaking… Sir?... Yes, sir… Yes, I will… I'm sorry. Good bye." She hung up the phone and slumped against the wall.

"What's going on?" Kain Fuery stood. "Is something wrong?"

Riza put a shaking hand to her forehead, brushing a few stray strands of hair back. She looked up, took a shuddering breath, and informed them, "Lieutenant Colonel Hughes is dead."

A few hours later, Havoc and Hawkeye arrived at the Hughes residence to tell Gracia, as per Mustang's orders. Havoc was mostly there for moral support, and took Elysia outside to play as Gracia collapsed onto Riza, sobbing hysterically.

As Riza exited, Havoc noted that she looked more beaten down than she was after the battles he had seen her in, and he could almost detect a few faint lines of sloppily cleaned mascara on her cheeks. He decided that he would drive them back to headquarters, a point which Riza did not argue. It was as though she had no strength left after consoling Gracia.

He got to thinking that if he had had to comfort Gracia, he would not have known where to start. Where did that leave him with his superior? He had never had to deal with this before. Maybe he should have stayed with Gracia, so that he could figure it out.

His logical side told him that Riza had not exactly been in the best condition to drive earlier, either. He wondered just how much she knew, and it scared him that he had no idea. If what she had said was true, this meant that she knew so dangerously much that she, too, could wind up like Hughes.

They had the next few hours to await their superior's arrival along with the Führer, his escort, and the body of Maes Hughes.

Havoc was a nervous wreck and could barely manage to keep a cigarette in his mouth. Breda just stared at the ceiling. Falman began to pace. Fuery just kept on petting Hayate, who pushed his nose into the hand and whined. Riza tried to work on her papers, but her hand kept on wavering. She gave up and went over to pet Hayate.

As Roy entered, they all stood and saluted, which was an uncommon practice for them.

"At ease," he sighed, slumping into his desk.

"Sir-" Riza started, but Roy held up a hand.

"Not now, Hawkeye." He sighed. He looked up and addressed all of them with: "The burial is the day after tomorrow. Your presence is required."

_As if they need to require us._

"Sir?"

It was a few hours after the funeral. The clouds still partially obscured the sun as Roy traipsed back to his apartment, an emotional wreck.

Now, Riza Hawkeye stood in his door way, looking only slightly less lost than he felt.

"What are you doing here?" he asked.

She did not flinch at the tone, but straightened her skirt. "I'm here to make sure you don't do something stupid. I know what happened between you and Maes after Ishbal, and I won't let you do it, no matter how sensible it seems."

Roy let out a bitter laugh. "Relax. I'm not that stupid. You think that after the Elrics, I'd still want to try?"

"I would hope not. Just please don't do anything stupid tonight. Don't test your alcohol limit. Don't point a gun to your head. Don't even think about it. There are too many people here who need you. You need yourself." She took a breath, then continued, "As your subordinate, and as someone who cares, it's my obligation to give you the disclaimer."

Smiling just a slight bit, Roy assured her, "I'll be fine, and you can shoot me anywhere you wish tomorrow if I'm not up to standard."

Nodding and gaining a wavering smile, Riza headed for the door. As she was ready to close it, she turned around to face him. "Oh, and sir?"

"Yes, Hawkeye?" Roy turned as he headed into his room.

Her voice nearly cracked on her first attempt, and her eyes were beginning to water. "A little bit of rain will do us some good."

He looked at her, surprised. After she shut the door, his smile twisted into something of a frown and he muttered, "To each his own, Hawkeye."

**Continued in 'Because You Won't'**

**A/N: I like 'Because You Won't' better. Like a certain other two-shot type thing I may post later, I wrote the second one first, and the first one came independently and decided to tie itself in.**


	2. Because You Won't

**Because You Won't**

**Set after certain events in episode 25...**

Fact of life: Roy Mustang never got to work before nine in the morning.

Well, Roy had disproved _that_ this morning. At six-thirty, he thought he would be the first one there. He was not. It was not as if he had not expected to see the person that was there to be there so early, but rather what surprised him was just _what_ she was doing.

Riza Hawkeye was crying. Bawling, actually. She had a box of tissues at her desk, and every time she looked up, having almost stopped, she burst into tears again, shaking so much that he suspected she would not notice an earthquake. She noticed Roy had opened the door about ten minutes after the fact. Surprised to see him there, she stuttered, "Wh-what are you d-doing here s-so early?" She attempted to cover up any traces of her actions, but realized that it was pretty much useless. Much to her distaste, her actions had not provoked the reaction she looked for, and it was not pity.

Roy came over and sat down in the empty desk next to Riza's, shutting the door so as not to disturb anyone else who happened to be up and about. "Well, I was going to get an early start on my paper work, but honestly, I had no idea what to do when I saw you crying. Mind telling me why?"

Looking over at her superior, then finding the floor unnaturally interesting, Riza replied with a heaving sigh, "Because you won't, sir. You _want_ to, I can tell you that much, but you won't. Not much, anyway. It's like you're... emotionally devoid. You saw Armstrong-"

"I expected him to," Roy interrupted.

"Havoc, then. His eyes were bloodshot and he had not visited a bar the night before."

Roy looked at Riza curiously. "How do you know?"

"I spent a good two hours with him in the park. We're worried about you. If you could just learn to cry-"

"I _don't_ cry," Roy interrupted for a second time. Contrary to his word, he blinked and gave the tiniest of sniffs. "I'm supposed to be the one who's holding everything together in times like this."

"Well, you're doing a better job of being an automaton drone, sir," Riza snapped. "I don't think they would mind if they knew you were human. What would Maes think if he and I had traded places and your reaction was the same? What would he be telling you?"

Roy did not answer until Riza's voice, as filled with anger as he would ever hear it, hissed in his ear, "Or should I let you find out the hard way?"

With equal venom, Roy growled, "No. Don't even _say_ that."

"I'm going to, and you want to know why? Because it's true! Maes would be saying the same thing! If anything, you're dishonoring him by not acknowledging it and moving on! It's not healthy!" She paused to wipe her eyes. "You remember me after my father died. I was a wreck for a while, but I got over it."

Roy certainly remembered...

_It was a gray, drizzly day, like one would expect. It was Riza's father's funeral. Riza stood next to Roy the whole ceremony, clutching his coat and crying. He thought it was a bit strange that this girl, who he had known was as tough as nails when she broke her wrist or when someone gossiped about her, could cry endlessly over what was indeed a very sad event, but even Roy had run dry by now._

_He had moved on._

"I moved on... I moved on from that. Your father wasn't my family, but I was sad... But I moved on... But Maes... but Maes was like a brother to me!" Roy started again.

"And you think I didn't view him in much the same way once I got to know him?" Riza snorted in disbelief. Her superior just would not admit that he had it in him to cry for once when his best friend in the whole world died! "You and him and Gracia and Havoc- you were all the family I have left, so count your lucky stars, because I'm almost certain you have at least one living relative so act like a man and cry for once, even if it's the only time you do in your whole life!" Riza's voice had gotten louder with every word until it broke at the end, and she sobbed her next sentence: "Cry, damn you, because if you don't, I won't stop!"

Roy touched her arm. "Riza, I-"

"What?" She glared at him, her look softening as soon as it hit.

"I... am." It was true; Riza, through her own tears, could see the ones that ran down Roy Mustang's face.

She sank into her chair, now crying tears of mixed sadness and relief. She held out the box. "Tissue?"

Roy smiled at her sadly and accepted the offer. "I thought you'd never ask."

_"That no life lives forever_

_That dead men rise up never_

_That even the weariest river_

_Winds somewhere safe to sea"_

_From "The Garden of Proserpine" by Algernon Charles Swinburne_

-END-


End file.
